One year ago

I was about to start a whirlwind tour of a place on the west coast that we seriously considered living. It rang to the tune of Laura Nyro's 'Goodbye Joe'--a song you should hear at times of great change in one's life. But that did not come to pass. No mountains, no Pacific ocean. Instead I am going back, back, back to where I came to here from. And are the old demons of 10 years ago stirring and whooping it up to be free from the catacombs of my brain. And another part of me fears, with a terror like none before, and waves of unspoken guilt, fear, sadness, remorse, and resignation, flooding me with tears and thoughts of being trapped, trapped in a karmic cage of my own making. I could be looking at a loss of everything. I have known that payback time was coming. May my beloved be spared the grief and privation that I alone deserve. But yea only He who is just can exact justice, and his ways cannot be divined by our imperfect and sundered souls. They smile in your face, all the while they gonna take your place, the BACKSTABBERS, BACK STABBERS! SMILING FACES, SOMETIMES, PRETEND TO BE YOU FRIEND. CAN U DIGGIT CAN U DIGGIT? I am Judas but Judas could be Jesus too, if but would. Judas hung himself rather than take his fate. My fate I will suffer and I will sweat out each perfidious lie and cheat and self-serving half truth with drops of blood, urine and excrement. HOLY HOLY HOLY IS THE GOD OF HOSTS. BLESSED IS HE WHO COMES IN THE NAME OF THE LORD HOSANNA IN THE HIGHEST. Elohim Adonai Amen.