I have often been asked

I have often been asked, why do you do the things that you do.  Why, the relentless self-destructive vices, the lack of integrity, the foolish indifference to your destiny.

Why, when with just a few minor cosmetic changes you could be swimming to Rio with the sharks.  Too metaphysical for ja?

Ach, lassen Sie mich hilfen mit einem flasche bier, noch ein bier, ein feines bier, mit hopfschen und milchlein um zoll getrunken zu werden.  Wunderschoen, gar nicht.